Bible Study

I am currently involved in this Bible Study with my Sunday School class ladies. I just have to say that I love this Bible Study and boy has it hit some strings for me.

I wanted to share a little bit about tonight's gathering. One thing that the author talks about or should I say asks about is why we risk opening up to other believers. I would say that this can be hard for me b/c I am one who doesn't necesarily open up to a lot of people with deep things or things that are bothering me. Normally, I will go to my mom or a few close friends. Then during the study later on I really opened up (to me at least) about how when we were going through the blood problems with Zachary I did my best to stay focused on the Lord and not "tunnel vision" with the problem. When I would start to feel overwhelmed or couldn't stop the tears; we would pray for me, Les, Zachary, our doctors, etc. It would usually calm me down until I hit my next bout with fear about the possibility of losing Zachary (this is what I think that I struggled with the most until we saw the hemotologist that had worked with Les' niece when she was born). Anyways, my main point in telling this is b/c I want to give glory to God for taking care of my baby and for also directing the doctors and their decisions. There is never once during the last 6 months that I didn't give glory to God. I would cry to the doctors with good and bad news and praise the Lord. Our one favorite doctor at Children's Plano will usually tear up when I cry too and I just tell her that God is the one who has healed Zachary and got him to this point. She is a Christian too; which I have found out after the fact and that is always a neat thing.

Anyways, one thing that I am going to try to do and work on is to be more open with fellow Christians when I need prayer, going through a hard time, etc.

Thank you, God for the ladies in my Bible study and for what they mean to me so far. I know that this Bible study is just going to get better and better - too bad it's only 6 weeks long!! ;)

Baby Dedication

Today, Les & I dedicated Zachary to the Lord. We promised to raise him in a Christian environment and to teach him the ways of the Bible. Les and I were both raised in a Christian home, so that helps that we have an example set for us.

We had a great time in Branson last week, but it's always nice to be home too. Zachary has been recovering from the trip the last few days, but he had a GREAT time and was a GREAT traveler. He didn't sleep much in the car, so him and I played constantly while driving. When we were at shows, he would sit in someone's lap and just watch the show. I couldn't believe how well he did on trip. I am extremely proud of him and I know that Les is too. I couldn't have asked for a better baby last week! He went and went AND went like the energizer bunny!!!! HAHAHAHA

I hope that everyone has a GREAT week!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pictures Only!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hope you enjoyed all the recent pictures!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As the rain ceases for a little while

Here is a poem that just came to mind as I made it up......LOL

Rain, Rain, come and stay;

Please don't go away;

We're becoming fond;

As you fill our bigger pond;

The dogs can swim;

On a whim;

Please don't delay;

We're not ready to pay (for the water).

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha................I am in a silly mood!!!

We leave for Branson in 6 days!!!!!!!!!!! YEAH, I'm so excited, I just can hide it, I'm about to lose control and I think I like it.

Off to check on Zachary now.....BYE!

Zachary

His blood work went very well today and he did awesome! He, of course, cried when they stuck his arm, but he didn't start crying up until then. He was such a big boy! As soon as Annette (his normal phlebotometist) starting putting on the turniqut; then he started to tear up. Then it was over before he knew it.

Anyways, his red blood cell count (hemoglobin) was 9.4; which is great for him! He gets 3 months off now and I couldn't be anymore happier.

His weight was 16 lbs and 2.2 ounces. He was 25.28 inches long - grown an inch in a month!

He is doing great. He has his 6 month check-up tomorrow and will be receiving 3 shots - he received 2 of them this past week when we were there for his ear infection.

He is currently jumping away and having a ball - he has been jumping now for about 45 minutes and STILL having fun.........hahaha

Till tomorrow...............can't believe he'll be 6 months old! I took some really cute pics of him yesterday and they are cute. :) I'll post some pics once I download them from my camera. I have a few more ideas of some pics, so maybe Z and I will go and try to get those pictures now! :)

just a few things.....

* I get my stitches out THIS Friday...YAY I am so excited b/c my hand is starting to pull more with it healing. It feels weird!

**Zachary had a MUCH better night last night. He started waking up around 4:30 AM, but went back to sleep on his own and then started crying around 6:15 AM. I got up and he was crying, but he looked like he was still sleeping, so I grabbed his boppy and paci and put him and those items in the middle of our bed. Which by the way didn't leave Les and I much room....hahaha....we have a full size bed. :) Zachary was able to sleep from 6:15 - 7:45 AM or so. I got him up after that and gave him a bottle. He was then ready to JUMP JUMP JUMP!!!!

***We leave for Branson in about 1 week, so excited! We're starting to look at things that we want to do this year. We saw a few shows last year, but we'll try a few new things this year. :)

****Friday night is Homecoming at my high school (Allen!). I think that Zachary and I might try to go - we'll see!

*****I started reading a new book and I am so excited. I have been wanting to read this book for well over 2 years now. It is "My Sister's Keeper." Yes, that is the one that has a movie made to it. I am borrowing it from my friend, Kristy. So far it is good and I am enjoying it, but saddened by the events of the book too. How can a mom and dad treat their daughter like that?!

*****On October 24th at 9 AM, I am going to be walking in a Memory Walk in honor of my mother-in-law, Doris. If you would like to join me or donate - please e-mail me or leave me a comment and I will send the info to you.

I guess that's all for now, but I'll write more tomorrow. Zachary has his blood work in the morning to check his red blood count and I will give everyone an update on his results.

What a night!!!!!!

Whew, glad that last night is over and I'm hoping for a MUCH better tonight. Zachary's ear infection didn't go away with the meds and last night he woke up close to 11 PM SCREAMING. It wasn't his "hunger", "sleepy" cries, but of one that we haven't heard much. I knew something was wrong and told Les that he must be in pain. Well, Les was changing his diaper and he started grabbing his ear. It was a pretty rough night b/c he would only sleep 1 1/2 - 2 hours at a time and then wake up crying. Him and I eventually moved to the couch and he slept on his boppy pillow on one end of the couch and I had my legs propped up on either side of the boppy so that I could feel when and if he moved. Les and I took him to the doc this morning and he started on a new/stronger med this afternoon. We're using tylenol and olive oil in his ears too and that has seemed to help with some of the discomfort. He is still trying to smile despite the pain. He wanted to jump, so he jumped in his jumperoo several times today for about 20 - 30 minutes at a time. :)

I get my stitches out THIS Friday and I am excited about that. I wonder what it will feel like once they're out. Will it still be a little uncomfortable if I move it weird or will my middle finger still be restricted and not able to open my hand 100%?! I am nervous b/c I don't know if it will hurt or not, but definitely ready for it to me done.

Well, I am going to bed to try to hopefully sleep better than last night. :)

GOODNIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!

Quick Update

Surgery went well and was over within 45 minutes. They knocked me out around 7:15 AM and my first memory was seeing Les and drinking apple juice at around 8:35 AM or so. Soon after that, I was on my way home with my hand. I have to say, I was rather surprised by the incision because it is a good inch long. The way that he ended up cutting, it has pulled some of the skin from my middle finger and I can't straighten it all the way yet. I am hoping that when the stitches come out Friday - that it will relax some and I will be able to straighten my hand.

I found out yesterday that it is NOT cancerous. I was very relieved by that b/c that thought was in the back of my mind, but I tried to just not even think about that. There is a scripture in the Bible that talks about not worrying about tomorrow b/c today has its own worries. I just kept that in my mind.

My parents have been great to help us out by keeping Zachary. I am getting there with him, but I can't put him in the car seat, change his diaper, and things like that. THANK YOU, MOM & DAD!! WE LOVE Y'ALL VERY MUCH!!

I hope that everyone has a great Labor Day weekend!!! Les is off on Sunday and Monday, so that's exciting to have him on a holiday - I hear the lake calling our names......hahahaha

As someone said recently, "she's always at the lake and that's why she's so tan." Well, definitely NOT entirely true b/c we go at night to keep Z out of the sun, but I love the outdoors and don't sit inside just watching TV all day. :) Z and I love going to the park, Les and I enjoy hiking this newly completed trail (we hiked 6 miles of it last Monday night and it was great!). So, that's why I am so tan; not b/c I spend all my time at the lake. :) No biggie though, but before people make comments that sound not so nice when they come out, make sure you know the person you're talking about and what they do. Anyways, that wasn't supposed to turn into a rant, but it's out and I feel better.....hahahaha BUT, I'm glad that you noticed my nice tanned skin.....LOL

Pyogenic Granuloma

Yesterday I was diagnosed with THAT on my hand. If you want to see pictures of what those growths look like; then just google that. On Tuesday morning I am going to be having surgery to have it removed. The doctor said that surgery should take around 30 - 45 minutes. I am so relieved to be having it removed. I was VERY scared that it was going to be cancerous before I found out what it was. One thing that scared me was what it looks like and how fast it grows. My husband and I my mom will be at the surgery center with me. My dad is going to be taking care of Zachary. After surgery, my parents will care for Zachary for several days. The doctor said that my hand will be very sore. He also said that the incision will be fairly large because he has to have room to take the thing out and have skin to stitch up. I am picturing a scar of a good inch long, but we'll see once I get home. My plastic surgeon said that he could do it in office, but he is worried that it will bleed too much and that I would be very uncomfortable during the procedure. He wants to be able to make sure that he can get it out without having to worry about me. I am happy about that because I know that it bleeds very easily and I don't want to have to worry about pain during the procedure.

I appreciate your prayers and that it would heal quickly with no problems, that it would be a very quick and easy surgery, and that Zachary does good a few days away from us.

Otherwise, that is really all that is happening around here. We're all doing really good and just moving right along. :)

Arnold the Scratchy Pig

This is probably one of the funniest videos that I have taken this summer. This is Arnold, the pig. He is my MIL's pig, but we're trying to get rid of him, so if you know anyone that would like to buy him - send them my way ASAP.

Anyways, Arnold is very itchy (supposedly, they all are) and he was scratching and scratching one day when I was over there, so I, of course, had to take a video of it for my blog. :)

Hope you enjoy Arnold!!!

Quiet Times

I read a blog everyday (almost) and always come away with learning something. Each week they have a topic that they each write about on different days. This week they are blogging about their daily quiet times, how they succeed and how they struggle. I decided that I would do the same thing and I have been meaning to write about my quiet time since about Tues or so.

My Bible is an NIV - Life Application Study Bible. My parents gave it to me in September 2000 in honor of my 21st birthday; which was going to be that November.

This Bible has been all over with me. It has been to Mexico several times on Mission Trips, it has been to Montana with me when I was a summer missionary, it has been to Peru, it has been to several states, it has been to the Dominican Republic, and I carry it to church. This copy of God's Word has taught be a lot, been there with me through thick and thin, has been there when I am praying and trying to figure out what God wants me to do, etc.

Through the years, I have marked, highlighted, underlined scriptures that mean things to me. I usually write whatever is going on in my life that has led me to that scripture. I always enjoy going back through the past and reading my different struggles, happiness, etc. I always remember what I was going through and how I got through it. I like to see how I have grown through the years and can't believe that I have had my Bible for 9 yrs. Of course, I had other Bibles growing up, but I think that this will be my last Bible.

Lately, I have not been studying my Bible as much as I should and for that, I am embarrassed to say. However, I have never ceased to stop praying. I pray daily with my husband and by myself. God has never left my side through the years and has ALWAYS been there for me. I have had a lot of great things that have happened to me, but there have been my struggles too.

The Book of John is my favorite book of the Bible. It is full of hope, in my opinion. My grandma Brown's favorite passage is John 14:1-6.

The Book of Revelation is the most fascinating book of the Bible to me. My favorite scripture is there and it is Revelation 3:20. The scripture says," I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door. I will come in and eat with him, and he with me." There is a painting that I love and it has a door with no door knob on it. Jesus is standing there at the door knocking. He will never force His way into your life, but will gently knock and hopes that you will open the door and invite Him in. He only wants to have a relationship with you. He died on the cross for our sins and He loves us all so much.

I have recently become interested in the Book of Daniel. I am interested in the End Times and in fact, our ABF at church is actually going through all that kind of stuff. It is so interesting, but at the same time, my heart breaks for those who do not know the Truth and those who wish to not believe. I have family that doesn't believe and I just pray that they will come to know the Lord before it is too late. I believe that it is too late only after you have passed away, otherwise, there is no hope!

Anyways, I hope that you get something out of my blog today.

I would be interested in hearing your favorite scripture or anything that you wish to share.

I have tried to link the picture that I found of Jesus standing at the door knocking, so I hope that it turns out. :)

So, what do you think of the newly updated blog?! I am loving the color changes, so fun and funky. I thought it was due for an update since I haven't changed it in FOREVER!!

Make sure to read the newest blog below - complete with a few pics too!!!

5 months old!!!

5 months old - playing with his bear!! He is trying to sit-up during the pic....:)
Here he is pushing up - 5 months

Cute froggy housecoat - 4 months

playing in the pack and play outside

posing with bear at 4 months of age

5 MONTH UPDATE!!!!

My baby turned 5 months old yesterday. I can't believe it. He's doing great and loving life, well, most of the time.........hahaha

Let's see, he is weighing in at 15 lbs and 0.6 ounces. He had his blood work this past Monday and everything looked good. So, he gets to take off another month from blood work. While we LOVE our doctor, nurses, lab techs, etc, we're definitely glad to have time off. I remember when we first started this journey I was so ready to be over with it and now (I think) that time has come.

He is eating cereal with several fruits and a few veggies. He is eating: bananas, apples, peaches, apricots, sweet potatoes, squash, plums/prunes, and has started carrots this evening. I think that our next veggie to try this weekend will be green beans. :)

He is getting to be SOO active and he started going to the church nursery 2 weeks ago. I cried when I took him for the first time, but mommy survived........LOL He did great and just went to the ladies covered with a big smile and ready for fun. He is a HUGE people person and LOVES to talk to anyone who will talk to him. He is also squealing a ton - he enjoys hearing his voice......hahaha He loves the outdoors and whenever he gets upset, if we take him outside he immediately calms down. He is sitting up, but does hold my finger with one hand - he's doing amazing. He's daily gaining strength and balance. He wants to crawl so bad he can taste it, but he just slides around.......hahaha I'll put him in his bed one way and when I go in the next morning, he has done a 180 degree turn. He love sto pull the ball off of his toy that he lays under and plays with. He enjoys tummy time and can really hold his own very well.

Les and I just love having him as part of our family. We have enjoyed watching him grow and look forward to watching him develop and grow.

Hope you enjoyed the pictures too!!

Breakthrough!!!

SOOO exciting. Normally Zachary will not sleep in his bed during the day and I have no idea why. He'll go down at night like a pro and won't hear anything from him the rest of the night till 7 or 7:30 AM. Well, yesterday, I decided that we would try the napping in his own bed again. I put him down at his morning nap time; which is usually around 9:30 AM or so. This nap is normally only 1 - 1 1/2 hours. Well, I couldn't believe it, he slept for about 45 minutes and then woke up and I could hear him in there playing; which was totally fine with me since he was happy. We have a remote control to his mobilie, so I snuck into his room and turned the mobile on from the doorway - that way he wouldn't see me. LOL I was gone in the afternoon, so the nap was in the car. This AM I put him down for a nap in his bed and he had a repeat of the day before. We visited with my SIL, Amy and the triplets this morning; then I had a doc appt to freeze (again) a stubborn wart on my hand that literally came out of nowhere, back home and we fed him and out he went. I told Les to try and lay him in his bed and to my amazement, he is fast asleep IN HIS CRIB!!!!! So, I am TOTALLY SHOCKED and so proud too!!!!!!! :)

Other updates, we have been working on Zachary's solids and he is taking homemade: Plums, bananas, apples, sweet potatoes, peaches (this is not homemade), and apricots (not homemade either). I am getting more and more used to making the food, so I am excited about it. Tomorrow Zachary is going to be trying squash for the first time. I am so curious to see how he does. He's a great eater!!

Zachary is going to be 5 months old on Tues and I can hardly believe it. On Monday he has his bloodwork to see how he's doing; which I think will be normal, well, normal for him. ;) I am excited b/c we'll get to see Dr. C and I just love her. She's probably 6-7 yrs older than I am and super sweet.

I'm going to try to get a pic to upload, but if there is no pic; then I am still having problems. :)

Yay it worked - okay, this pic was from the first time that he tried just cereal; which this was back around 3 1/2 months old. The hemotologists wanted us to start him on a little bit of cereal b/c he was eating like crazy. He didn't really like it at first, but now he's an old pro and sits in his bumbo to eat 2x a day. :) My big boy!!

400th Post!!!!

Wow, I can't believe that I have made 400 posts, of course, I have had my blog since January 2005, so that's to be expected at this point. :)

Today I made baby food for Zachary. I find that veggies are easier than fruits to make for him. Today I made yellow squash and sweet potato. At this point, Zachary is eating bananas, peaches, and apples. He LOVES eating and does really good. I am excited to see what he thinks of the squash, but I am going to introduce that to him after the sweet potatoes b/c I had more of the SP. I have froze the rest in ice cube trays for near future use. :) I am curious to see what kind of things that you have tried for your little ones. He is no ready for many mixed fruits yet, but I would still like to hear of things that you have tried or if you just have suggestions on making fruit baby food.

Zachary had a blast at SeaWorld and I'm not kidding either. When we were watching the shows, he just sat in my lap and watched, squealed, and waved his arms around. He had an absolute BALL! He was a hit and everyone kept saying how alert he was and how cute he was too. I loved SeaWorld too and want to take Les there, but without Zachary next time. There were a few rides that I wanted to go on, but we ran out of time and we didn't want Zachary in the heat for too long at a time.

Hope you have a great week!!!!!!!!!!

Wow!!!

I tell ya, it has been a very busy week wrapping up stuff at work to having a physical (fun fun).

This past Friday was my last day at MMI and now I am going to be a full-time stay at home mommy. I am so excited about this and very appreciative of Les for allowing me to do this; which has been my dream since I was a little girl. You might be asking yourself, what brought Kimberly to this point as a little girl. So glad that you asked!!!!!!!!!! :) When I was 10 yrs old and my brother was 15 yrs old he fell 30 feet repelling at Boy Scout Camp and broke his neck and both wrist, yes, HIS NECK! Well, my mom had no option but to quit her job as a nurse and stay home full time with us. What a great thing and I enjoyed every bit of it! I remember when school was starting back she was thinking about going back to work and she asked me," Kimberly, do you want me to go back to work so that you can have all the Barbies that you want or would you rather me stay at home and you don't get all the Barbies you want." Even at 10 yrs old I loved having my mom home when I got home and I remember telling her that I would rather her stay home with me. Of course, I was in school, but it was great to finally have her to come home to.

We went to the Aquarium last week with the kids (my mom and I). We had a ball!

This past Wed we went out to the Fort Worth zoo and had a blast there too. We ran into the Steece Quads; which I was SHOCKED when I saw them, but so cool at the same time. We got there around 11 AM and left when it closed at 5 PM. The 5 (me, Z, mom, caleb & caitlyn) were pooped when we left. We didn't want to fight traffic, so we went and ate at Joe T Garcia's; which is very good, but there are only 2 options. You can either have enchiladas or fajitas, so we all had chicken fajitas and it was tasty!!

Needless to say, we have been very busy, oh and I forgot to add, Zachary had his 1st cold too! It took about 6-7 days for him to lose the congestion and coughing, but he is back to normal now. :)

We are leaving tomorrow to go to San Antonio and Austin, so you won't hear much from me for the next week.

On Tues, the 28th, was the day in 2008 that we found out that we were officially pregnant by result of blood work. I had my blood work done on the 24th and then the doc called the 28th; which was my dad's birthday!

We celebrated my dad's birthday tonight at a surprise party! He had a great time and really enjoyed it. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAD!!

I'm off to get a few things done and start packing for the trip.

Have a great week!!!

I can't post pictures!

Not sure what is going on with my laptop, but it won't let me post pictures - sorry!

Last night we celebrated Les' birthday with a few of his friends and our parents. We had a good time and ate at Catfish Heaven in Princeton - very yummy!

On Les' real b-day, the 14th, I cooked a very special dinner for him. We had grilled lobster tails, shrimp, baked potatoes, steamed brocolli and brownies. He was very excited about his dinner, but that was a surprise too when he got home from work. He had to work 11 hours on his b-day, so he deserved something special.

Other news, Zachary should be all done with transfusions, in fact, he has 4 weeks off till his next visit. So exciting for our family!!

I have resigned from my job to stay home full-time and I am very excited about that. I get to be a full time mommy amongst other things too. :)

Well, I'm off to feed a little boy now.............CIAO!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HONEY!!!!!!!!!!

I'm so glad that you are my husband and that God placed our paths to cross over 4 yrs ago now. I can't believe that we're married AND have a baby. Life is great with you and I can't imagine life without you. I know that we will be together forever b/c we're both believers and will be together in Heaven as well.

Thank you for being patient with me through the last few years, thank you for being a great husband, thank you for being YOU, thank you for loving me, thank you for the dad that you are becoming to Zachary, thank you for being the spiritual leader in our family, thank you for being devoted to your job, thank you for caring for your mom, and thank you for loving my family as your own too.

There are so many things that I could say about you today because of the love that I have for you and the love that continue to grows for you each day. I'm so thankful to have you.

I hope that you enjoy your special dinner tonight that I am making for you! You mean the world to me and I would do anything for you.

To end, here is an acrostic for you:

L - Loving
E - Energetic
S - Serious
L - Loyal
I - Incredible
E - Entertaining

Les, I love you and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!!!!

Happy Birthday to the USA!!!!!!!!!!

We have had a busy few days, some good, some bad.

On Tues of this week, my grandfather died (dad's dad) in the middle of the night. He went peacefully in his sleep and for that we're all grateful for. His funeral was on Friday and the plot that he was buried at at Restland was very nice. He is under some trees and by a creek - I think he would have really liked that spot had he seen it while he was alive.

On Friday night, Les and I took my nephew Caleb with us to the Truck & Tractor Pull. We had a really good time, but we were all 3 very tired from the day's events that we left after 2 hours or so. We came home and all of us crashed. Zachary stayed with his grammy and poppy and was a very good boy for them. :) I wouldn't expect anything else from him.....hahaha

We went and saw fireworks in Wylie on Thurs night and they were very good. The finale was AWESOME! It was so bright that it just about hurt my eyes, but I loved it! We had seen Allen's fireworks the work before and those were very good too!! I tell ya, I'm addicted to fireworks and I drag Les all over the place to see them...........haha Zachary has been such a sport at all the fireworks and has not cried once - even with the loud popping. We met up with Brennan & Jimmy at Allen's firework show with their daughter, Elizabeth. She's about a week older than Zachary and she did really good too. I have a few pictures that I will post in the next post.

Today I went over to my friend Kim's house for lunch. We all had a good time. Logan, Kim's son, reached over and touched Zachary on the face - it was funny. Logan is 3 months older than Zachary and is sitting up now. When I get the pics that Kim took of us today; then I'll post that too! Thank you, Kim & Tyler for opening up your home and inviting us over for lunch!

News for today, as of today, we no longer are the owners of the Ford Ranger. We sold it on Craigslist today - that site is awesome.

Tonight we're going to go to our church parking lot and watch the McKinney fireworks. My parents will be out there with my niece and nephew and my brother, Christopher. We'll have fun! My mother-in-law might come too - we're just waiting on her to come now. Hopefully she'll make it and get to go with us.

Overall, we have had a really good time the last few days! Zachary has done well with everything and has been a great baby through all of it. He's such a good baby!!

Have a Happy and safe 4th of July!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Money Saving - so fun!

Many close people call me the "coupon queen" One thing that I really enjoy doing is cutting coupons on Sundays, well, it takes all of like 10 minutes for me to do. Then on Wednesdays when I receive my ads for Market Street, Sprouts, and Kroger in the mail - I go through them and figure out what I need, what I have coupons for, etc.

So, my excitement this week was that I spent around $27 and I saved $28 using coupons, sales, etc. Les was very proud of me b/c he leaves me in charge of Zachary's formula and diapers; which I have yet to pay full price for, and our groceries. I hardly ever buy anything for full price! I will if need be, but that's usually rare for me. One thing that I love is Market Streets 40% off meats. I buy meat, wrap it, mark it, and freeze it; then when I'm ready to cook it I just get it out and thaw it out.

Anyways, just wanted to share one of our excitements this week!! I know we get excited about crazy things, but when you save 1/2 off your grocery bill; it's hard to NOT be excited!!!

Have a great day!!!